Ben Christensen blogs as Mr. Fob at .

“What?” you say. “Surely not anyone I know.” But it’s true, folks. Everywhere around us, hiding among the seemingly-normal people we call our friends and family, are straight people . Some of them are even our wives and husbands!

It is, in fact, these particular straight people, those who are married to us gay people, whom I’d like to spotlight here at Northern Lights. We’ve seen several interviews here with married gay men, both young and… ahem… not-so-young, but the people I’d really like to understand better are the lovably crazy folks who marry them, the women and men who have either consciously decided to set up camp for time and all eternity with a gay spouse or who have unconsciously found themselves in such a situation.

What I’d like to do is present here a series of interviews with the straight spouses of gay women and men. What this requires of a specific kind of you is volunteers to be interviewed; I don’t care whether you’re male or female, black or white (but no purples please), married for forty years or forty days, so long as you’re a straight person married to a spouse with same-sex attraction. You can be anonymous or not (we’ll do the interview via email), and I won’t pressure you to answer any questions that you don’t feel comfortable answering. If you’re willing to be interviewed or know someone who is, either comment here with contact info or email me at bgchristensen (at) gmail (dot) com.

What I need from the rest of you is questions. What, in your heart of hearts, have you always wanted to know about straight spouses of gay people? What have you been dying to ask but felt too embarrassed or simply didn’t know anyone well enough to ask? Please post questions here in the comments section or email me at bgchristensen (at) gmail (dot) com.
I will edit the questions for clarity, neutrality, and respectfulness, but I will do my best to include any proposed (and reasonable) questions in the interview.

Thanks much for your help.

Leave a Reply


  1. avatar

    I think this is a great idea. FoxyJ just responded to my blog in a way that adds clarity and direction to my thoughts in a manner like no other, simply because she represents “the other side”. We in this community tend to feed on each other without hearing and understanding the thoughts and feelings of spouses who are daily part of this struggle but whose voices and insights and input are silent for the most part.

    Some don’t know that we blog or that this website even exists. Thus, (obviously) it is hard for them to participate. But, there are those brave souls who do know that we blog and that tis community exists. I, for one, would plead for such participation, as I think it would help me personally to bring my spouse and I together in more clarity.

    Thanks Ben for your efforts here.

  2. avatar


    I would be very interested in hearing what spouses and signicant others (i.e. girlfriends of SSA guys) have to say about why they have chosen to be in their relationships and the pros and cons of such relationships. I think their perspective would be very fascinating. I’ll now have to come up with some questions that I really would like to have answered.

  3. avatar


    Some of these may provide good content for the North Star website and for future Newsletters as well. I’ll try to come up with some questions.

  4. avatar


    My wife is happy to answer any questions, Ben. -L- knows how to get a hold of me.