UPDATE: See also the following KUTV 2 News report on the special:

Reported today in an article on The Wrap, the TLC special “My Husband’s Not Gay” will be aired on Sunday, January 11th. The show has great potential to bring visibility to a growing number of individuals who are choosing heterosexual marriage or to remain single as an alternative to same-sex relationships when they experience same-sex attraction. See also the recent feature in the Washington Post featuring the growing number of gay-identified Christians who are choosing celibacy.

The show follows married Utah Mormon men who are attracted to the same sex despite being married to women

TLC will air a special in January called “My Husband’s Not Gay” that follows four men living in Salt Lake City, Utah, who don’t identify themselves as homosexual despite having an attraction to men.

The show focuses on three married couples: Jeff and Tanya, Pret and Megan, and Curtis and Tera. Joining the cast is 35-year-old Tom, the bachelor of the group who enjoys fishing and baseball and served as a missionary in Long Beach.

All cast members are devout Mormons belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The special will follow the cast as they navigate life while explaining to outsiders their unique marriages.

“I get a little defensive when somebody calls my husband gay,” one wife says in the debut trailer.
The special is produced by Hot Snakes Media.

TLC also airs another Utah-based show, “Sister Wives,” following Kody Brown who’s in a polygamous marriage with four women

The three couples have each also been featured in North Star’s Voices of Hope Project, and essays by both Jeff and Tanya were included in the 2011 publication Voices of Hope: Latter-day Saint Perspectives on Same-Gender attraction—An Anthology of Gospel Teachings and Personal Essays. Tom, “the bachelor of the group who enjoys fishing and baseball and served as a missionary in Long Beach,” was recently featured in a podcast by FairMormon addressing same-sex attraction.

Jeff & Tanya

“Jeff served a full-time mission in northeastern France, graduated from the University of Utah in psychology, and loves to read, travel, and swim. When not doing one of those things, he works as a project and property manager for a real estate. Tanya served in the Japan Fukuoka Mission, earned her bachelor’s degree, and is interested in photography, travel, and making jewelry. She works from home as a freelance graphic designer and website developer. They are the parents of one son. They believe that self-acceptance and the power of choice, coupled with on-going open communication, helped set the framework for a happy, gospel-centered marriage.”

Pret & Megan

“Preston and Megan were best friends when they decide to marry, and they now have a beautiful, smart, and stubborn daughter. Pret works as a nurse and Megan as a part-time school teacher and full-time wife and mom. They both hold callings in their ward and enjoy spending time with friends and family within and outside of their home. They believe that change is possible and requires hard work but the end result is becoming the person you want to be and that makes all the effort worth it.”

Curtis & Tera

“Life-long members of the LDS church, Curtis and Tera have been married for 19 years and have 4 wonderful children. Curtis served a full-time mission in São Paulo, Brazil, graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelors degree and went on to complete his Juris Doctorate and MBA from the University of Wyoming and University of Utah, respectively. In his spare time he’s an avid road cyclist, skier and spends time with family and friends. Tera graduated from Brigham Young University in Clothing & Textiles Design. When she’s not taking care of the household she does freelance clothing design. Through their experiences, they’ve sought certification as Intuitive Life Coaches in multiple modalities to aid in emotional release. They believe that strengthening their relationship through increased love, understanding, healthy communication on the principles of the gospel is the best gift they can give their children and those around them.”


“As one experiencing the challenges of Same Sex Attraction and being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Tom shares some healthy insights on how to approach individuals (Adult or youth) who are experiencing such inclinations.

“Tom discusses the need to love and accept those who identify as homosexual, while being able to not compromise our standards or endorse immoral practices. Above all, the message is how to remain and see individuals as faithful members of the church who have challenges, just like the rest of us, and that we must be willing to love and support those struggling with this powerful and complex issue.”

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  1. avatar


    There is a petition going around to stop the airing of this show which I and others have signed. I know you might not be able to see it – but TLC is airing this show in order to get high ratings and anything to do with sex get high ratings sadly. You and your stories are not being honored. Further, it spreads the message that gay men can and should marry women. It spreads it simplistically and without context. In an LDS bubble this is almost impossible to see. I wish you all luck, but this show is not going to honor you or be helpful to young gay men who are LDS and struggling. The answer to homosexuality is not straight marriage – your husbands may never be sexually unfaithful but emotionally is a different story I think.

    • avatar


      Why should the show stop? These men have chosen what they want. If they didn’t want this life they wouldn’t do it. Who are you to say that what they are doing won’t work? Stopping this show won’t stop them it will just stop the chance of other people finding hope. I am a woman and I am very attracted to women but I don’t want to be not because I’m ashamed or afraid of what others may think but because I don’t think its right this show gave me hope. Who are you to take that away from me?

  2. avatar


    creo que esto no va ayudar a los santos de los últimos días que luchan con la atracion por el mismo sexo ,esto es un espectáculo , que simplemente puede dar un mensaje equivocado , y se puede pensar que aun en la iglesia hay homofobia , la respuesta a la atracion por el mismo sexo no es un matrimonio .pero científicamente hablando es posible que un hombre o mujer con atracion por el mismo sexo, sienta ambas atracciones , mientras otros les sera imposible .ya es hora que se encare la situación , con el enfoque debido .creo que la mayoría de los gays , comparten que es bonito y hubiera sido satisfactorio tener una familia , con hijos .Pero para la mayoría ,( simplemente es la naturaleza humana, difícil de entender para los heterosexuales ) y no se puede cambiar esa atracion . .y el asunto no es casarse y en el interior del hogar ser infelices . la verdad es que para la mayoría el matrimonio no es la solución . por favor enfoquen la ayuda a la manera del señor .no de acuerdo a lo que ustedes piensan es correcto .insistir en que siendo gay se puede casar , llevara a los hermanos buenos y fieles gays , a sentir melancolía , y ante todo sentir que la lucha , no es completa si no se llega al matrimonio .y puede llevar algunos .a depresiones mayores .con sus consecuencias .Jesucristo es amor , y nos ama .y la idea es fortalecer la fe , el animo a seguir firmes en cristo .a ser felices en medio de la lucha que se tiene por la atracion por el mismo sexo y seguir firmes en cristo .

  3. avatar

    Ty Mansfield

    In all of the controversy surrounding the upcoming TLC special “My Husband’s Not Gay”, it’s nice to have some refreshingly reasonable and credible voices from outside LGBT, Inc., speak to the issue:

    “Many outside the SSA community might wonder how such marriages can possibly survive. But New York psychologist Dr. Gilda Carle believes that as long as both sides of the couple understand each other and observe certain boundaries, their bond can flourish.

    “’It’s the year 2015 and there is no one-size-fits-all,’ says the author of 15 relationships books, including ‘Ask for What You Want and Get It’ and ‘I’m Worth Loving and Here’s Why.’ ‘We learn to live with each other’s idiosyncracies when we love another person.

    “’Love and marriage are not just about a penis and a vagina. It’s about a connection of souls, faith, family and children. And these couples appear to share an extraordinary trust and openness. Every study shows those are the keys to lasting human relationships.’

    “She does warn, however, that it’s only strong women, secure in their own identity, who can deal with the implications of a husband with SSA.

    “’Any wife who is wishy-washy about her own sexuality, or ability to understand a guy with these urges, does not belong in one of these relationships,’ says Carle.”

    I would also add: Thank you, TLC, for sticking to your guns and standing up to GLAAD and moving forward to air the show despite opposition:

    “TLC has long shared compelling stories about real people and different ways of life, without judgment. The individuals featured in this one-hour special reveal the decisions they have made, and speak only for themselves.”

  4. avatar


    Ty, I am not sure what makes the person quoted, ‘credible’ and ‘reasonable’. She has written some books, yes, but I’m somehow missing the credible and reasonable part?

    She does say that the women who marry these men have to be secure in their own sexuality and able to deal with their husband’s ‘urges.’ I’m not clear what that would mean – does the woman have to be able to accept that her husband will find other men attractive and desire to have physical/emotional relationships with other men? From the article, it seems more realistic that finding their husbands’ attractions (in this case to the waiter) ‘cute’ might be a high level defense mechanism?

    TLC is not known for the most subtle or caring programming – again, the network saw a chance to get high ratings (as I mentioned earlier, sex sells) and went for it.

    Obviously, many in the media are discussing this (a good thing for TLC) and as one commentator said – if a show is called my husband’s not gay, he usually is. Indeed.

    To be clear, I’m not trying to debate or malign – I maintain that TLC will cheapen the whole thing in order to get ratings.

    • avatar

      Ty Mansfield

      1) She’s a psychologist who obviously has experience with and understanding of the complexities of relationships and what makes them thrive from a research standpoint. I know the research and what she states is true.

      2) I know that what she’s saying is true on an experiential level—I’ve lived it. And I know many many others who have lived it and they would say that exact same thing. Most of what pop culture promotes as love is shallow and has more to do with passion and a hedonic quest for pleasure than it is love.

      3) Loving and entering into a committed relationship with one person does not mean that people stop being sexual beings capable of attraction to others outside the relationship, same or opposite sex. Somehow we understand that would be true of heterosexual individuals, so why not those who experience same-sex attraction?

      • avatar


        Hi again.

        1. Do you have a link to the research? I like to learn a lot about a lot.

        2. I totally agree about pop culture—it is rather gross and ultimately de-humanizing. I would say though that within society, there are many deep and committed heterosexual as well has homosexual relationships. I’m not sure if you are equating gay relationships with ‘passion and a hedonic quest for pleasure’ as straight relationships are as likely to be this as gay relationships are. In other words, gay folks can have as deep a relationship with their same sex partners as you have with your wife.

        3. I agree with this. That said, there is attraction and then there is a desperate need—for lack of a better way of saying it, for gay men to be with members of their own sex—I’m not talking about, well, sex. Such a need in fact that there are groups such as Journey into Manhood that involve ‘healthy’ touch for these men with other men. would I be comfortable as a straight woman having my straight husband experiencing ‘healthy touch’ with other women knowing he was attracted to them? I would not be. Is there any level at all of denial, even a bit, in the women on the show who find it ‘cute’ when their husbands eye a cute waiter? Or is there any denial in one of the wives saying ‘no not gay but SSA.’ I wouldn’t as a straight woman want my straight husband to be giggling over a cute waitress.

        Finally, from what I’ve seen of the trailer for the show and from things I’ve read, many are finding the show to be little more than mocking of these folks and their stories. It doesn’t seem to be being presented in a way that honors the stories. Perhaps the people in the show are hoping that God works through that anyway but I think they are setting themselves up to look like reality show fools. That is what is most concerning here—that well meaning folks are not presenting their stories in a way that honors them. TLC wants ratings whether that is through mocking people with strange addictions or Mormons in these kinds of relationships. I do not believe TLC is on your side here.

        Finally, I am very curious to know if the reason for these marriages is clearly stated on the show—about God’s will, about God’s hatred of homosexual relationships and the accompanying punishment for those in such relationships. About Celestial Kingdom entry and what not. Or is that glossed over.

        Thanks, I’m appreciating the conversation here and the lack of defensive tone.

  5. avatar


    I see your point, Karen, but the main thing I see is that people on the pro-gay side of the issue are militant, threatened and defensive, and believe they own the whole argument. They apparently believe in diversity as long as they are defining what diversity is. And if you dare oppose me, I’ll bully you out of the picture! It’s refreshing to see an “alternative to the alternative lifestyle.”

    • avatar


      I am always a bit concerned when we (and I am totally including myself in this) start othering – i.e. ‘they think, they say, they are.’ By doing that, we de-humanize people. It’s not right when it is done to Mormons and it is not right when it is done to gay people or any group.
      Further, I don’t think that all people on the ‘pro-gay’ side think as one.
      I have indeed met militant gay people and obviously many who are not. But if we look at the root of that militancy – really look – I think that a lot of it comes out of having been bullied, been bashed, been killed. Gay people have and still often do live in fear of their lives or their jobs or being rejected by their families and on and on. And some of that, whether we like it or not, has been done in the name of God and in the name of the Mormon Church (and yes, other religions).
      And I state again – the reason for the diversity matters, don’t you think? Let the couples on the show be honest, completely open and honest about why they have chosen to marry (or at least one of the very strong reasons) someone of the opposite sex – it is being whitewashed with ‘I always wanted a traditional family.’ If they were to say ‘I believe that God hates homosexual behavior and if I am in a gay relationship on earth then I will either go to hell or at the very least not get into the Celestial Kingdom’ – then would it make more sense that some in the gay community might find this offensive?
      This is what I honestly do not understand – why aren’t Mormons in these marriages honest and open about this reason? It is never spoken of – not in the Voices of Hope videos that I’ve seen (I haven’t seen them all mind you), not in blogs, etc. It all seems (to me) to be whitewashed over by either not mentioning it or, well, softening it.
      If someone said to you, ‘God hates heterosexual behaviour and people who participate in it will not be able to get into the Celestial Kingdom,’ wouldn’t that be offensive?
      I am not saying whether or not it should air – I don’t have that power nor do I want it.
      Anyway, that is my main point – tell the truth, the real truth behind the main reason for these marriages (not in all cases, I realize) and then we can talk about who is truly accepting diversity.

      • avatar


        To answer your question about why they don’t cite fear of Hell as their motivation for marriage, probably because that’s a poor reason to do anything. The hellfire and damnation incentive may have a long history in religion, but it’s not the only reason any of us do anything. It is one of the weakest reasons to do anything gospel related, and not strong enough motivation to support this sort of lifestyle. Who is anyone to say that these people don’t want traditional families?
        A little perspective for you: There is little doubt in my mind that these people will face the challenges of same sex attraction and homosexual desires their whole life long. I wish them only comfort in the face of the difficulties that all such people face (in the closet or out). But, the marriages these people have engaged in are set for eternity, not just to death do us part. I put forward to you that perhaps these people are interested in a much more long term investment. As such, who knows if, perhaps, should they prove faithful in their marriages in this life, they’ll find all the fulfillment they could wish from them in the next. A marriage with someone who has loved you and endured with you despite not necessarily having the same kind of relationship with you that her friends have with her husband in all respects (I’m sure it’s extremely hard on these women). Their children and all their posterity bound to them by true authority (and if one doesn’t believe in the authority of temple sealing, why should one care whether or not gay people can have them?). While perhaps not the best (that being a simple pure love of God, no fear required), this is a superior motive.

  6. avatar


    I am happy for these men. They are happy, and have found women who accept them. However, I understand why the GLAD community are upset. They are not upset about what 3 men have chosen for themselves. They are concerned that people watching will believe ALL homosexuals can change. They are fearful that the show will reinforce outdated and unscientific beliefs that sexuality is a choice. Perhaps a young gay man may feel that he is a failure because he can not change like these guys. With suicide rates already higher for GLBT community I understand why they feel this message can and will be dangerous.

  7. avatar


    ok,.so I watched the show with an opened mind , and I do t get it , so they are attracted to men , but are sleeping with women , are they cheating on thier wives with men?… Or trying not to have affair on thier wives with men , ?? So they are suppressing thier gayness ?.?.?. But why can’t they just be bi-sexual , but can’t fall in-love with a man , and prefer to love and live and have a family with a women , Iam bi-sexual but I can’t fall in-love with a women I have tryed , they just don’t give me security like a man does

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  9. avatar


    Thanks, Mitch. I appreciate what you are saying. I still wonder though why that is not made clear – that these men are living these lives this way because it is the only way for them to get into the Celestial Kingdom and live for eternity with their families. This is never mentioned either – rather it is a vague ‘our religion says . . .’ I would think they would be proud to speak out the Temple Sealing, the eternal marriage (only straight marriages), etc. Instead, it is all left very vague. Now, Mormons watching know this but non Mormon viewers do not. Wouldn’t the TLC show have been a great opportunity to evangelize and mention the eternal marriage component? I could see why hell would maybe not want to be mentioned but eternal marriage? I am more than curious why not. Is it a fear that non-Mormons will judge them, that they won’t understand and in fact can’t understand because they are not Mormon? I would think living an authentic life would include, in addition to information about the awesomeness of their sex lives, authenticity about the reasons. It’s curious to me.

  10. avatar


    I knew it!!!, the are LOTS of married guys in the same condition.