I am kind of presenting this post as a “guest post.” I have participated in a few workshops created by and put on by an organization called “Celebration of Being” (find out more about them here.) They are experiential workshops created for healing on all levels–none of them are SSA specific and although not specifically Christian, there is a deep connection to a “Higher Power,” who for me, was indeed, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I receive their monthly newsletter, much like North Star’s and I usually take the time to read it. This time, I was especially glad that I did. The text was written by the male head of the organization, Lee Esky. He and his wife, Britta, the co-creator of Celebration of Being, were married later in life and they hoped to have a child together. That is a little bit of background for the bulk of the text. But this really can relate to anyone for anything. I will add a bit of dialogue at the end, but will leave most of it up to him…
I was sorting through old emails this morning, cleaning up my mailbox, and I came across an email from several years ago. (Yes, some of my emails are that old. That’s why I’m cleaning out my mailbox.) The content of that old email struck me just as sharply as if it had landed in my inbox today. It was a message to Britta and me from a doctor reporting some test results, informing us that our chances of conceiving a child were very, very low. As I read it again today the palpable feeling of loss in my chest was undiminished by time. Sadness. An old wound.
Like most of you, I’ve worked on my wounds. I’ve spent time digging deep to uncover my wounds, sought healing for them, and made peace with them, more or less. Yet, there’s one, profoundly important step involving our woundedness that Britta and I have discovered over the years that’s essential for growth. It’s the key to emotional and spiritual maturity and to becoming the men and women we are created to be. The biggest question most of us encounter on the road to becoming our most-fulfilled selves is, “What do I do with my woundedness?” How we answer that question makes all the difference.
Most of the time we use our wounds—consciously or unconsciously—as proof of how cursed we are. How unloved. As a reason to shrink and as evidence of our worthlessness.
In fact, the key to owning the fullness of who we are is just the opposite: Placing our wounds under our blessedness.
Without denying any of our woundedness, what if we considered all of our wounds (and I mean each and every one of them) as a sign of blessing? And treated them as blessings? Welcoming and embracing them instead of rejecting them. Recognizing them not as impediments to our growth, but as the essential, tailor-made paths to our growth. That’s what they are! They aren’t the alternative path to take when all else fails, they are the path. Our growth comes from walking with our wounds and through them, not away from them. Seeing them as clear signs of grace and love.
Our experience is that when we do this, three beautiful things happen. We become grounded in presence, profoundly grateful, and joyfully generous.
- Grounded in presence, meaning accepting and intimately connected to the world in which we live. Who and what is around us at this moment is our personal kingdom or queendom. Not wishing life to be other than it is. Not waiting for perfection to claim our territory. Bringing our desires, skills, and full presence to what’s in front of us today.
- Grateful for life and all that flows from participating in it. Through the eyes of gratitude, we see that truly everything is a blessing. We are connected to the Source of all that is, greeting the joys and sorrows of the moment with open arms. Open to growing, stretching and finding the blessing in everything.
- Generous! When we are grounded and grateful we automatically feel the impulse to become generous. Having received, we want to give, to serve, to inspire. We know inherently that we don’t loose ourselves when we give ourselves away. In fact, we become more of who we are. On the deepest level we actually can ONLY find our true selves when we give ourselves away from an authentic generosity. From this place we can share our gifts with our world for the healing and empowerment of all who are entrusted to us.
We call this the way of the King and Queen. By our definition at Celebration of Being, the King and Queen are the man and woman who’s living their fullest human potential or Healthy Self. And it begins by placing our wounds under our blessedness.
Sound like a tall order? Every man and woman who fully owns his or her kingdom and queendom does this. And this is available to us NOW. As soon as we place our wounds under our blessedness we begin owning our personal kingdoms and queendoms. It’s an important but critical step in our growth and development.
Of course, we must recognize our blessedness and cultivate presence in order to take this profound journey. And we need people in our lives who see the king and queen in us, sometimes before we recognize it in ourselves.
Ok, I know that it might have sounded a bit odd talking about “blessedness” and the King and Queen, but hopefully you can look past that and apply it to the terms of the Gospel in looking at the divinity we all have within us. We are all definitely blessed for being members of the Church and keeping the commandments and are we not all ultimately striving for Exaltation and receiving our own kingdoms to rule.
I most definitely have wounds. My inner child was wounded, my inner woman has been wounded, and I am sad to say that I know I have caused wounds to my daughters and probably some of the students I have taught over the past 11 years. I know I have been blessed by some of my wounds, especially as I have worked to make them into strengths, or at least learned from them to help me and help me NOT pass them on to those I may influence.
I hope that each of you can use your wounds and woundedness to bless your own life, and maybe even the lives of those around you. I am so thankful for a husband who has been willing to see his wounds, work through them, and strengthen himself, encouraged me to strengthen myself, and worked with me as we have grown, and will continue to grow, together.