The North Star community is made up of individuals and families around the world whose lives have been influenced by the complicated experience of same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria. We are men and women with varied backgrounds and personal narratives. While diverse in experience, we are united by our faith in Jesus Christ and our desire to keep the covenants we have made as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This faith is the foundation from which we strive to love and support each member of the North Star community.

Recently, the stories of a few members of our community have been shared publicly on the TLC special “My Husband’s Not Gay.” We applaud the tremendous courage of these men and women who have opened their homes, their lives to the public. Their stories present a unique perspective that is a relevant and viable lifestyle choice for some individuals who experience same-sex attraction.

That said, marriage is a profoundly personal decision, and in no way should the stories of these men and women be interpreted as the ideal “solution” or “model” for all individuals in our community. As God’s sons and daughters, we have been given the sacred opportunity to commune with Him and receive personal revelation and instruction for our lives. We encourage each member of the community to seek out Heavenly Father’s guidance for your unique situation. As we incorporate His counsel and the teachings of gospel of Jesus Christ into our lives, we will find purpose, meaning, and peace—whether single or married.

Sincerely,

North Star Executive Committee
Ty Mansfield, President
Dale Larsen, Vice President
Sarrah Groves, Vice President
Blaine Hickman, Vice President
Greg Harris, Vice President

Leave a Reply

7 comments

  1. avatar

    Sheri

    While watching the recent TLC special “My Husband’s Not Gay”, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for the wives. Their husbands seemed to be having a ball, being so open about their SSA, but I feel their wives are the ones carrying the heaviest burden. You see, I used to be an active LDS member married to a man who was attracted to men, but had not acted on his feelings. Although I was hurt that he hadn’t admitted this attraction until we were expecting our 2nd child, I too was supportive and understanding, feeling this was my test in life. We were married and active in the Church for over 18 years before I felt I had to salvage what little self-respect I had left, and get off the merry-go-round we were on. If I had not released him of his obligation to me, we probably would have remained married, but neither of us would have truly been happy. I’m not trying to tell anyone how they should live, but don’t be selfish. Please think of what is best for the ones you love. Realize the choices you make will affect your children in ways you may not understand now. Good luck to anyone dealing with this issue.

  2. avatar

    Steve

    It is wonderful that people are sharing their testimonies of the Gospel way and showing that people with homosexual feelings can succeed in marriage and family.

    I do think it is unfortunate that you keep emphasizing that the Lord’s way is not necessarily the best solution for everybody. I think, instead, you should point out the reasons why preparing for celestial marriage and eternal family life (at the proper time) is indeed the best path for everyone.

    -2
  3. avatar

    Kathy

    First, I want to say that I wholeheartedly agree with this official statement by North Star. As a member of the North Star community, as the wife of a man who chooses to label himself as gay, but not act on those feelings, and as a friend to all of the wives on the show, I stand behind them. My husband and I have been married for over 20 years, and while we’ve had our share of challenges, some relating to him being gay, there are many more challenges that are common to most marriages. I especially agree with the statement about receiving personal revelation for our lives. My husband had decided to remain celibate for the rest of his life, and it was only because of direct revelation, in which he was told to prepare for marriage, that he even considered it. Sheri, I’m so sorry that your marriage was so painful for you and your children. I’ve endured pain in my marriage too, but I wouldn’t trade what I’ve learned for avoiding that pain. For us, our marriage is right. It isn’t right for everyone though. All marriages should be considered prayerfully, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, the marriage doesn’t survive. Every marriage is different.

    I know the couples on the show personally. I know those wives are strong, courageous spiritual women, who are led by God. They have helped so many of us women in this community to see beyond our husbands’ challenges, to see their potential. They have taught us how to allow our husbands the time and space they need to solve their own issues, while teaching us to focus on our ours. I can honestly say that I doubt my marriage would have survived, much less thrived as it does today, without their encouragement and help.

  4. avatar

    Karen

    There was an article in The Atlantic I think it was about the show after it aired. The most interesting point I found, and hadn’t quite been able to articulate for myself until I read it, was that the wives in these situations define themselves through their husbands, rather than having an identity of their own (other than being ‘strong’, ‘courageous’, etc, which is also in relation to their husbands). I’m not expressing it clearly so here isthe link – http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/01/the-profound-lack-of-empathy-in-my-husbands-not-gay/384414/
    The headline is unfortunate but if you can get past that, I think it has some salient points, particularly the point that stuck out for me about the wives’ identifying themselves through their husbands. That point and the point that no one is actually coming out and saying that God finds homosexual relationships evil and there will be no Celestial Kingdom for those who do that, are what concerns me here. Be loud, be proud, but be completely honest, yes?

    I appreciate North Star expressing its official stance, but all of the couples are from North Star.

  5. avatar

    Brooke

    I applaud these couples and this one single man who deal with same sex attraction who are courageous enough to share their experience. It’s so good. This is certainly an issue that needs to be talked about. As I watched last night’s first episode I couldn’t help but be disheartened a bit with the dialogue amongst the couples regarding the “danger scale”. As an LDS straight woman, married to a straight man, we have made a commitment to one another, and in doing so, we do not entertain thoughts of attraction to the opposite sex in the least bit. This in my opinion, is a universal truth for any couple committed to one another. With that said, I realize that we are all in different places in our understanding. I just felt like I needed to say something.

  6. avatar

    Karen

    Here is an article that you have probably all ready seen with some stats – http://www.sltrib.com/news/lds/2050536-155/if-a-gay-mormon-marries-a
    This is what I thought you had, Ty, to provide a balance on the other side – research that showed how mixed orientation marriages can work. Although I realize that you may not need/want research/stats since it is more about feeling where God is leading than actual studies (as in, ‘they don’t matter because God is behind us and guiding us.”) Just curious as you did mention you ‘knew the research.’
    I remain concerned that there is promotion of this kind of marriage and was rather concerned when the women set up one of their friends on a date with a gay man. Why the push for others to be in these kinds of marriages?

  7. avatar

    Rick

    I think it is always good to show how people deal with situations rather than there being only one solution. Even as it relates to SSA and marriage, there is more than one approach. I have been married for almost 18 years and discussed my SSA while courting my then girlfriend. It was very important that we discuss this openly so that we could both go forward “eyes wide open.” However, since being married and 3 children later, the topic has never come up again. I guess my view was that I did not want to make my issue a bigger burden for her throughout our marriage. Looking back, I am not sure if this was the best approach or not, but it is the path I chose.