In Search of a More Convincing Illusion

Posted on May 30th, 2007 by Borealis

A friend of mine who deals with (what I consider to be) a minor porn addiction told me a story the other day that I related to, and I think has applicability well beyond pornography. There was this porn actor whose picture he really liked, but he had resisted looking at any of his racier pictures or videos. Finally, he cracked and found a video of his and watched it. Turns out the guy acted totally different than he looked in the pictures and my friend was actually kind of turned off by him. Wasn’t his type after all.

My friend realized that his attraction to this person was built on an illusion, that his appeal was almost entirely constructed–and not just by the photographers, make up artists, and marketers–most of the attraction was added by my friend’s own wishful thinking, what he wanted and desired from men. He put those attractions of his on that porn star like a costume. Ironic, but true, that a person’s true self is never so obscured and covered up as when he is depicted completely naked as a sexual object.

But what did he do when he came to this realization? Did he give up on the porn adventure? No, he went out looking for someone else, someone better to fill the illusion. He embarked on his little adventure wanting a bit of fantasy and distraction, and by darn, he was going to get it.

I said to him, “So in other words, you are saying that when your illusions about this porn star were shattered, instead of looking for something real and true and lasting, you went off in search of a more convincing illusion?”

Interviews with 3 bloggers, each married 25 years, part 3

Posted on May 27th, 2007 by -L-

The third blogger I interviewed who has been married for 25 years is Beck. His blog was originally titled “Beck’s Angst”, but he has since jettisoned the angst in favor of just “Beck” as the months have progressed and his feelings have improved. As we chatted, Beck expressed his misgivings about being any special example, but I take his courage, openness, and humility to be very admirable. I want his advice so that 20 years from now I’ll have the best chance of being where I want to be–still married and flourishing. Here is our chat:

Interviews with 3 bloggers, each married 25 years, part 2

Posted on May 24th, 2007 by -L-

The second blogger married for 25 years that I interviewed is Abelard Enigma. He serves in his bishopric, has children, and recently began working through his situation with his wife. Prone to writing very supportive and encouraging comments, Abelard is someone whose opinion I respect a lot. Like SG, I want his advice so that 20 years from now I’ll have the best chance of being where I want to be–still married and flourishing. Here is our chat:

Pew Forum interview: Elders Nelson and Wickman on Same-Sex Marriage

Posted on May 22nd, 2007 by Ty Ray

It seems that with some of the recent media around the Church, there’s been an increase in Church statements on the issue of homosexuality. From the Wickman/Oaks interview with Public Affairs posted lasted August on LDS.org to Elder Oaks’ remarks in his October ‘06 conference address, “He Heals the Heavy Laden,” to Helen Whitney’s interviews with Elder Holland and Elder Jensen for her PBS documentary, “The Mormons,” there’s been some very strong statements made by Church leaders in public forum. 

Now, the Church Newsroom recently put out notice of an interview of Elders Nelson and Wickman by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life: Pew Forum Interviews Mormon Leaders. According to the website, the Pew Forum is “a major religious research organization, highly regarded by professional journalists and academics.” 

In the article, “In Focus: Mormonism in Modern America,” the portion of the interview pertaining to same-sex marriage reads as follows:

Interviews with 3 bloggers, each married 25 years, part 1

Posted on May 21st, 2007 by -L-

Since starting to blog, I’ve met many interesting people (if “met” describes chatting with someone you’ve never seen and have no idea who they really are!). There are three men in particular who have been married and active in the church for 25 years. This is quite an accomplishment for any marriage, but these men have gay feelings and their respective spouses know it. Considering the challenges of so-called mixed orientation marriages, I’ve wanted to hear how they’ve managed to raise children, be honest with their spouses, and stay true to the church. I want their advice so that 20 years from now I’ll have the best chance of being where I want to be–still married and flourishing.

Metaphysical moments

Posted on May 18th, 2007 by -L-

I have few memories from when I was a small child, and it seems a bit odd that one of them in particular is so… philosophical. I remember sitting in my little desk in 1st grade thinking about being. I closed my eyes and just pondered self-awareness and consciousness and what it meant to be me. Was I a spot of consciousness? If so, where was I located? Could I stop thinking and stop being? Could I be outside my body and still be me?

Informed consent

Posted on May 16th, 2007 by -L-

“You very likely have cancer, sir,” I said. I couldn’t believe the man was being so stubborn. I’d been feeling experienced and confident as I was nearing the end of my surgery rotation, and now this gentleman with a textbook presentation of colon cancer refused to take me seriously. He wouldn’t allow further testing, and he wouldn’t even consider the possibility that treatment might be necessary. He thought I couldn’t possibly be so sure that there was more going on. He made reference to doctors being wrong before–how they had botched some previous diagnosis. I listened incredulously, knowing that whatever past diagnoses he had received, a doctor would have to be blind and deaf to miss the clear clinical scenario before me. It was virtually certain that if I couldn’t convince him to take the issue seriously and get further care, the cancer would progress to a later stage and become incurable. I wonder if the Brethren who lead the church feel similarly about members who won’t take their words seriously.

Forever straight

Posted on May 13th, 2007 by -L-

When my wife, FlameRetardentMormon, and I discuss the afterlife, the conversation usually gravitates toward nuanced doctrines like whether you can eat as many cheeseburgers as you want without getting fat, and how great it will be to fly around like Peter Pan. I’m an afterlife stick-in-the-mud, I think, in that I believe “heaven” doesn’t simply mean all your dreams come true. In my mind, things will be better, what with sin and death having been done away, but there will still be a few cold hard realities to deal with regardless of our personal dislike for them. I might sheepishly suggest to my wife that it may be considered wasteful to swim in a sea of chocolate pudding–even in heaven–but I don’t want to destroy her faith in a better world.

PBS Interview: Ken Verdoia on Homosexuality

Posted on May 12th, 2007 by Ty Ray

Finally, the last post in this series of clips from interviews conducted for the recent PBS documentary:

Ken Verdoia is a Utah historian, documentarian and journalist who makes his home in Salt Lake City. Here are Ken Verdoia’s comments on the issue, following Helen Whitney’s questions (in bold):

Every church is struggling with homosexuality. … Do you feel it’s harder to be a gay Mormon? …

Direction, Not Velocity

Posted on May 11th, 2007 by Borealis

On a comment on one of L’s blog posts, I cited an article I read in the Atlantic Monthly about homosexuality in Saudi Arabia. There was a nice parable one of the subjects of the article tells that I liked:

Amjad cited a parable about two men living in the same house. The upstairs man was devout and had spent his life praying to God. The downstairs man went to parties, drank, and committed [sexual immorality]. One night, the upstairs man had the urge to try what the downstairs man was doing. At the same moment, the downstairs man decided to see what his neighbor was up to. “They died at the stairs,” Amjad said. “The one going down went to hell. The one going up went to heaven.”

But Neal A. Maxwell said it even better in his fine talk, “Notwithstanding My Weakness”:

Brothers and sisters, the scriptures are like a developmental display window through which we can see gradual growth—along with this vital lesson: it is direction first, then velocity! Enoch’s unique people were improved “in process of time.” (Moses 7:21.) Jesus “received not of the fulness at first, but received grace for grace” (D&C 93:12) and even He grew and “increased in wisdom and stature” (Luke 2:52).

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